..But You Ain't A King

"It's not your fault
I'm a bitch
I'm a monster
Yes I'm a beast
And I feast
When I conquer
But I'm alone
On my throne
All these riches"

While this isn't my favorite Nicki Minaj song, it definitely is the one I connect to the most. I think of it as I'm pushing people away. Not intentionally. But something about me just pushes others away, especially those I may need in my life. I (could) have everything in the world, but love just isn't one of them.

Let me digress. My mom did the CREEPEST thing she has ever done in my life. I told her I was leaving at 8 to go out with friends. She said okay but I guess she had plans too. Then all of sudden she goes to saying how I need to ask her if she's busy before I make plans. UMMM Korrine is not MY daughter, she's yours. SO, you should expect an 18-year old to have a social life and ask ME if I'm not doing anything and if I can watch YOUR daughter. But whatever, not the point. So she left after saying she'd be back in time. 8 comes, she's not here. 9 comes, she's not here. 10 comes, she's not here. My plans got ruined (see further down) anyway but its the principle. When she came home, she knew better than to provoke Hurricane Trey, she didn't even come into my room to say anything (which is a good thing for her). I don't plan on talking to her anytime soon.

So I was kinda upset that AJ flaked out on our plans last night. I know he probably didn't mean it maliciously but then again, when everyone else is always flaking out on me, then I'm never going to really be understanding about it, if that makes sense.
With that being said, I've come to realize that reliability is most important to me. When we make plans or you say you're gonna do something, I should just be able to trust that you will come through for me, and not have to remind you or feel like I'm pestering you about it.

You know, my feelings have been hurt alot lately, and I haven't truly communicated that to really any of my friends. While I always have all of my Alter Egos on deck, usually one or two is more prominent depending on the various phases I go through. Maybe I should introduce myself. I am X. I am the unknown and misunderstood. I am the void between the AE's. Where there is no one, there is X. I digress, lately Charlie really has been taking control in my life, however, all he wants to do is have fun and is often blind to the bad treatment he has been getting. King Vladimir clearly has not had that much of a presence lately. He always just made moves, and was so focused on himself, that no one else got to him. He often came off as a dick or a bitch, but at least he never found himself sulking and being pathetic late at night in his royal quarters.

I want my big brother to come home - Charlie

Can we go back to AJ please?? I MIGHT be interested in him..idk dude. He's not my physical type, but there is just something there. I love talking to him and being around him. And there is just something that I really like about him but I can't put my finger on it. hmm.

 But IF and WHEN something ever does happen between us...I can imagine all hell breaking loose. But tigers don't sleep over the opinion of sleep.

I hope I see that cute girl from the roundup tomorrow at orientation...hmm.

I 'm gonna this session by thanking Julissa for being there for me lately. She always is reminding me that she loves me and really has just been holding me down. <3 <3 <3