World Peace and Bloody Faces

"It's alright.

I know they think I get around

You and I got something they can't know about

Really only heaven knows my heart"

In my nightmares, there's a scene on a beach. On that beach lies a gold coffin sitting amongst black sand. The water is crystal clear and waves are crashing on the black beach. However, they dare not bring the dark earth matter back into the depths of the water. Off in the distance, over the ocean, there is a fog. A purple fog. The casket opens and there I lay covered in...rags. I'm decked out with tattered clothing. However, on my head rests the most intricate crown ever seen. It is made from gold, but covered in diamonds.

This is some funeral. No one else is present. There are only footprints in the sand.

Some people are addicted to drugs. I'm addicted to admiration and affection. Spare me the "L" word. I don't believe these people really ever meant it. I get a rush from compliments and wandering gazes.

I'm an empath. I can feel what others feel. I hate it.

Tonight I considered just driving. I was going to get on to I-75, and just drive until I couldn't drive anymore.

I recently became romantically involved with someone I used to be very attracted to in high school . He didn't want me then but now he does apparently. I could quote some words from a very popular Mike Jones song, but I'll keep that easter egg to myself. Well, he initially said he didn't want strings which is cool with me, but a few days later he took me around his friends and after a very crazy night, he used the "b" word.....Boyfriend. Uhhh. *scratches head* Baby, that title has alot of strings attached.

I feel a new alter ego coming on.

I need some change. I could never change who am, however, I can change my approach. Seems like I'm always going out of my way for other people but rarely get the same in return. For example, If we're friends, you know you always get a text from me every major holiday. On Christmas I sent 80 texts messages out and got maybe half of that back. New years' will be different, I won't be texting anyone first.

I know it probably sounds petty to many of my readers but I relate small things like that to bigger things like this: Earlier this year I stuck my neck out for one of my podmates. Her boyfriend didn't give a fuck about her at a party and I made sure she was okay. Well basically he told me he didn't like Black people (and almost fucked all the way up in the process) and she took his side and told me to stay out of it.

2014 will be a spiritual journey for me more than anything else. I'll be connecting to greater forces and gaining a new understanding of the people and the environment around me. I really don't know who I am. I don't know what I'm sexually attracted to anymore. I don't know what I wanna be "when I grow up". I don't really know what all the name "Trey" encompasses. I plan on eliminating the negativity and stress from my life, and creating a greater spiritual entity within my entire being.


I'll die loved or I'll be damned.