He Kissed Me Before He Left..

"Every now and then I get a little crazy

That's not the way it's supposed to be

Sometimes my vision is a little hazy

I can't tell who I should trust or just who I let trust me"

First of all, I cannot do these USF gay boys. Umm bye. These niggas act so funny and I'm not wit it! You're dismissed!

Ever feel like you have no control over your own life? As if life is happening around you and you have no control? As if every single little thing is jostling you around and you can't take the time to stop and BREATHE? Like you're blowing in the wind?

On a much brighter note, I'm reaaaaally feeling this one boy whom (for his own sake) shall be referred to as Soft Serve.

Soft Serve came to pick me up last night in his Lexus (which is just as sexy as he is). He wanted to drink so I offered to drive to ybor. Honestly, I wasn't sure if was really feelin the kid like that. Have you ever felt like you're talking to someone that is sooo much better looking than you so it doesn't make sense that they're into you? That's how I felt.

BTW I'm calling him Soft Serve because he is mixed and has the softest skin I have ever felt before on a man.
Antywayz, last night we went to The Social and Liquid. Another thing I was confused about was/is his sexual role. If a guy is a top (i.e. more masculine) then I typically get in front of him and boost this thang back up on him. But if he's a bottom (i.e. more feminine) then I let him be in front. I'm versatile so I'm not fazed by either.

So as I'm with Soft Serve all night, this one boy was being mad annoying. I used to talk to him (until I met him in person lol!) and I decided that I was no longer interested. Well he was very salty about that (still despite this being months ago) and he kinda knew Soft Serve and insisted on following us into different clubs all night and just being petty. While I was at Ybor, I also saw a handful of niggas I've blocked on grindr, a boy I've ditched on a date, a boy that keeps trying to hook up with me, and a boy I actually have had relations with who also tried to make out with my neck as Soft Serve stood 2 feet away. Reasons why I SHOULD stay away from ybor.

Overall, it was great night, Soft Serve came back to the crib and we...cuddled haha. He left in the morning, but he did something strange and foreign to me...He Kissed Me Before He Left..

Now I know it doesn't seem like much, but....it means something to me. And that's all that matters.

I was also kinda surprised by Joel. I am still feeling some type of way about the fact that he did not tell me Happy Birthday, but he realized that I feel like he never makes the effort to contact me and did so...and he gave me a compliment and I am easily flattered.

Let me get this off of my chest. My 19th birthday was probably the worst birthday I have had in..well, 19 years. 1) 15 people came with me to Ybor. 1 person actually came to the club with me. I was actually soooo upset about this and completely dumbfounded that NO ONE thought, "Hmm well if this is for Trey's Birthday then maybe we should actually go to the club HE wants to go to". and 2) If I say I don;t wanna listen to a song at MY OWN party, then maybe you shouldn't connect YOUR shit to MY speaker and play it anyway. The amount of inconsideration I felt last weekend still bewilders me. And honestly, it made me think of this: "Treat others how you wish to be treated" is complete bullshit. Basically what I'm saying is that I've learned that just because I won't eat the lion doesn't mean it won't eat me.

However, 1) My podmates decorated my door and I was pleasantly surprised..2 ) Jenni came to Ybor JUST because she didn't want me to be alone. She actually kinda saved my night. If not for her, I would've just cried for 4 hours or taken a taxi home. 3) Erin, Jenni, and David went out of their way to get me a Key Lime Pie, chicken, and Sweet Tea. I was so shocked that they would do that for me. I like how they just DID it. That's what friends are supposed to do for you. It honestly was probably the most special I had felt all weekend.

I spent $500 on my own birthday..

I was also pleasantly surprised that HE came to my party. He never has time to do anything with me, but he showed up, looking very cute. I know we can't be together. He is much too busy and while he is stuck on Earth, I am floating somewhere near Neptune.

Sometimes, I feel like a celebrity.

How much of life is real? How much is solely illusion? And then again, what consitutes reality? If I see something, but no one else does, does it not exist? We all physically see things, but then again, we see them differently.

There lies great good in my heart, however, there also lies the capacity for an even greater evil. More so than anything, there is indifference. A huge desire to free myself from it all.\

These old niggas I fuck wit, get MONEY!

Now I sit here, bored with life. I need a breath of fresh air. Something...different. Unprecedented. Unpredictable.