Jackrabbit : Part 2

"White Iverson

When I started ballin' I was young

You gon' think about me when I'm gone

I need that money like the ring I never won, I won"

It's been mighty chilly out, good thing hoes don't get cold.

Most people don't really know this about me, but I write lyrics all the time. I've been feeling like lately I'm having trouble connecting my emotions to my creativity. It's been incredibly hard for me to express the way I feel in my lyrics and even my blog. It's like, I know there's a storage of emotions underneath all of the superficiality but I can't really drill into it.

In a way, I can appreciate it because I'm coming closer to returning to my pre-2015 self. It's not that I want to be devoid of emotion, but I need to be in full control of it. But maaaan lately the kid been feelin maaad vicious. I'm certain that I'm gonna get into a fight this year because I been feeling too ready. This #2016Trey really ain't the one to play with. I'm breathing fire again.

My spirit is as that of the Phoenix. I burn brightest at my climax, but out of the ashes arises a new being. The fire is all-encompassing. Only the most powerful of my inner aspects live on.

Moving along, I'm sure you guys would be surprised to know that I talked to Rafael.

We met up for lunch and reminisced about old times as well as got caught up. He told me all kinds of crazy things like how his apartment got broken into and all I could really think of is "You deserved every single bit of it". After walking around campus for hours and conversing, I thought we would jump back into being friends like I did with Shai Ann. I was in for a rude awakening. He told me the reason that he stopped talking to me way back when was because he felt like I was being too good of a friend to him and that he needed to experience life without me. Sounds like bullshit to me. But listen, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I made so many excuses for him over the years. Truly felt like eventually he would present me with a good reason as to why he did what he did. But guess what? No such luck. He's just a shitty human being I suppose. There is no changing that. It's hard to put much effort into this or even give it dramatic flair because I'm done with it and it. I can finally move on with my life.

I often feel like my hometown friends are constantly dismissing my feelings. You have to maintain a friendship. I'm tired of people feeling like they have a permanent place in my life no matter what. I'm ready to say goodbye to anybody at any time and that's so fucking real.


Out of all my close friends, I think Sam and I think the most alike. She could literally say anything and I would automatically agree with it without knowing what the hell she said because we literally think on the same wavelength. I miss her and I'm determined to get her down here or head up there to Troy.

This is so old but I never wrote about it so here we go.

So I went to Gainesville, I was really expecting it to be a weekend full of laughs but I spent way more time sighing. For years and years I had always assumed that my friends were all friends with each other, and it really wasn't until last year that I realized they only ever hung out because everyone in the group was friends with me. So for example, when Rafael stopped being friends with me, he really stopped fucking with everyone else because he only ever hung out with them because of me. The only time there really is ever cohesion is if it's something that I plan.'

The issue in Gainesville all boils down to high expectations and different friend group dynamics. Carlos brought his friend Quintero, and combined with Jonathan and Zane, it kind of overpowered the dynamic we already have. In hindsight, I think bringing Jon was somewhat similar to if I had brought Karissa. Moreover, I found that the boys kept dragging along and weren't enthusiastic about anything that Kristy had planned and I was upset that Diane didn't really hang out with us all weekend. Now Kristy can be so extra haha but whereas some people might be annoyed by it, I love her for it and I really appreciated her inviting everyone down.She presents herself with a level of innocence that's apparent in her actions and contributes to her good-hearted nature. I never really saw it before but her and I think similarly about many things. One of my resolutions for this year to strengthen my friendship with her and take care of her.

I don't really know Quintero well but he's hard to read. He's nice but there were a couple times he said some slick shit under his breath. I'll just politely say that not everyone can handle Charlie and move on.

Sometimes I just think they forget the whole point of us being together is that we're together.

I feel like I saw Carlos all the fucking time over break tbh. I'm okay with that. He has really been the breath of fresh air that I have needed in the last 6 or 7 months. The way he just handles things...I'm just assured. I never really have to worry about anything when we're together. When we were in the VIP in Mirage and a security guard tried to check me for drinking, Gordo handled it. Then when he got into a mini altercation with a nigga at the club, he wouldn't even tell me what was going on. In a way it was annoying because I would want him to know I got him like he got me. But I know it was because he was trying to protect me (for lack of a better word) in a way.

Usually in my friendships with straightz, they see me as a homeboy they can relate to but at the same I could find myself being treated as a female. I think that's why I valued my friendship with Rafael so much, he really saw me as just another as friend and treated me as such. To me, that was the perfect way it should be. But don't get me wrong, I love knowing that Carlos takes care of me. The sad thing is that he treats me better than any guy that has actually ever tried to court me *dies*.

I don't remember if I mentioned this in my last blog but I am soooo glad to have Shai Ann back in my life. I think we have such a strong bond and even when we first met years ago I felt the possibility of such. It's interesting to think that we originally met online through something like Tinder but academically geared for first year students to make friends. Shit sounds so corny but I'm thankful for it. I regret the gap in between our friendship because now I almost feel like I have to fight for her time. Not really but yeah.

One of her friends is just waiting for me to draaaag that ass tho! I'll play nice...for now.

ALMOST MY 21ST BIRTHDAY!

All of this planning and money that is going into it will definitely be worth it What nigga you know cruising in boats and limos and shit?? All I need is a nigga to eat the cheeks of this butt and jump on this dick!!

But you know what's very fucking annoying? The fact that I have legit gone out of my way to invite some people and I literally have gotten no response back. I'm not one to bug people, so I won't do that. But I know that at least one of these mofos will decide to come at the last minute to one of my many events to which the kid shall respond with an aire of "I don't give a fuck". It will be even more complicated trying to make car pool arrangements for everyone. Whatever.

I mean TF?! I'm out here trying to give yall the most LIT weekend of 2016.

The only way this birthday would be even greater would be if someone were to surprise me somehow. But see, I feel like I always make it impossible for people to do such because I take full control of my birthday. But we shall see.

I don't really know where things stand between Andy and I. In one of our last arguments, he mentioned to me that I don't give him a chance to miss me or to at least tell me that he does. It really kills me that when we're together, he is constantly on the phone with one of his friends but will legit text me back two days later. He said his friends are important to him. I want to be important to you too nigga..

What's frustrating is that I invited to him to come down for my birthday and he has not even really gave me a response. He could be trying to surprise me but we shall see. NO expectations, No disappointment.

While back home, Diane and I decided to get in Tinder and in doing so, I ended up connecting with this boy who I shall name Rapunzel. So Diane and I met him and his friend Taylor at the mall and honestly it was kind of awkward and I wanted to leave but the more time we spent talking, the more I craved. Since, I kind of feel like he's needy as far as attention goes but in the same aspect, I like that. It very different from what UCF gives me and if you're texting me and calling me all the damn time then shit at least I know you're hitting up other niggas. I'm just riding the wave and seeing where it goes with him.

World STOP!
I'm always the one that needs to be impressed. 
Carry on.


Money, hoes, and clothes, all a nigga knows...

I brought in the New Year with Lucas. Considering all that he has done to me and all the times he was basically a shitty human being, I allowed myself to chill with him. I won't really say much about that night, but I will say that I have the closure I need to effectively end my whatever with his ass. We just aren't compatible, mainly sexually. I used to be so obsessed with him not because I actually wanted him but because he didn't fold like other boys did. Maybe I'm older now and can understand better but I really don't need him. He has some problems of his own that he needs to work out. I both fear for him and wish him the best, Face ass.

Cheers, to a lit 21st birthday!