Ugly

"I don't want no drama
I just wanna be your diamond, babe
Guaranteed to be a problem
Every time I get around you, babe
I just want you to need me
You might really wanna try me, babe"

Before I even start, I'm going to remind you all of the time clause, especially because this was written in the span of two months (sorry been really busy). If you see the word, "yesterday" it doesn't mean that it actually happened yesterday. It means it happened the day before I wrote that quip, which only I will really know.

My great-aunt is sitting in front of me on her prayer line. I wish you all could see this. Her prayers and my blog are battling it out haha. Okay I moved into a different room and I swear she got even louder...Yep, here comes the speaking in tongues...AH SHALABOSKA....Jesus, fix it.

Finally back home yall! Feels bittersweet.
Everytime I come home, I always feel blindsided. Last time I came home from the break, my father passed away a week after. This time, I found out my Grandmother is doing really bad. She's in stage 4 of Breast cancer and has been for the last 18 years, She also has Lupus which a disease where basically, the body attacks itself from the inside out. She was doing okay up until around last August. And a few days ago, when I came home. I came back to a 3-year-old in a 70-year old body. She really has to have someone watching her at all times. She went to walmart and spent $200 in clothes that did not fit her and also tore panels off the walls in kitchen and took a cabinet door off the hinges!!!      

So I've been to Layla Hookah twice now with my nigga Carlos and his friends. Carlos is alot like myself, deeply caring yet also deeply not-giving-of-a-single-fuck. Whenever he and I go out, it's always a bomb ass time. Also like myself, he has no problem spending the coins he knows he has. He always tries to pay for everything and everyone knows that's how I am. But Carlos is more aggresive in that aspect so for example I had to pay for the hookahs when he turned his back so that he couldn't stop me lol.
But anyway, back to my initial point. The first time was alright but everyone was drunk except me and so that wasn't really that enjoyable. A couple of them made a few drunken transphobic comments about a friend from high school named Will who now is a transvestite. Wayment! Let me break it down for you.

Transvestite (Tranny) - A man who dresses as a woman.
Transexual/Transgender - Someone who actually makes the transition and lives life as the opposite sex.
Drag Queen - A man who dresses up as a woman only to entertain and displays exaggerated feminine qualities.

Anyway, Will walked into the Hookah lounge and one the members of our party started yelling some pretty obscene things.

 I'm surprised my eyes didn't roll clean out of my head. I blame that on being uncultured and that's what happens when you stay in the same place for too long. Lehigh's cool but moving out, I realized there are so many different types of people in world and you can't do anything but respect the differences.

Moving on, One of Carlos' friends actually brought her friend who is gay. I don't really care to go into detail but just know I could tell he was feeling the kid. I left with those two after we were all annoyed about the lack of alcohol (sigh) and the antics. Since then, he has hit me up twice really trying to "get to know me". Not interested. He's just not my type physically or personality-wise. He's smart but brains ain't enough.

The second time we went was soooo much more enjoyable. My nigga had the bottles on deck and the kid was sooooo gone lol. I tried Ciroc and Henny for the first time. Ciroc was soo smooth but Henny? That shit taste like Cardboard juice man. I'm happy that we're getting closer (Carlos and I), I think there is a lot we can benefit from each other.

Now that I think about it, I feel like there are four people in my life that I could absolutely count on for anything if I really need it. Carlos is one of those people. I won't name the other three because I don't want to warrant any "you didn't list me but you know I have your back" texts.

Him, Deja, Julissa, Kristy, and I went to the beach and had a drunken adventure. Well Kristy wasn't drunk (duh). We were highkey lit, especially Julissa and I. We won't talk about what SHE did tho. Muahaha. I love being around my friends from highschool because are really the only people that understand me.

I sent Sami $100 in the mail and it's lost......

But anyway,
Let me tell yall something. These Puerto Rican boys be having that real dick...or should I say pinga?

Yesterday I took this boy's v-card. Well, that's what he said. He was screaming like a little bitch but he wasn't that tight. I mean, he was tight, but not vacuum-sealed tight like a virgin should be. Plus he knew to ride it first so that he could have control over the pace and strength of the thrust. Anyway, he's a cute boy but he'll be going back to PR soon. I think we been talking since like...February? The only thing is, he has like two patches of really weird caveman hair on his butt. It was such a turn off. How do you have a low fro on your ass tho?
 Ya know, people always make me out to be some sort of sexual monster preying on firm asses and wet lips but really, I always let the other person control the pace of the relationship. Meeting someone, I never expect to have sex unless they send me the hint. Sure, I'll fuck you til you vomit if you want.

Two weeks ago, I happened to be minding my business at work (actually I was making 44 small fries for a daycare order) and you know how you can just feel someone staring at you? I turned around and saw Enrique looking back at me. 

ENRIQUE FUCKING ROSADO.

I have never felt whatever it is that I felt in that moment...I took a moment to compose myself and chatted with him briefly. He had been here for a month and didn't say anything to me. We texted the rest of the day and come to find out, he actually works next door to me. I was so mad because it's not matter of telling me that you were here but if you wanted to see my black ass then you would have which tells me that you don't give a natural fuck about Trey. Then I found out he broke up with Yaniro and he's dating someone else. Someone that lives here. What the fuck? Does me flying my dumb ass to New York for you not mean anything at all? Like really? I absolutely can't with him. I'm just so done forreal. 

In this world, people will only treat you how you allow them to treat you. I DEMAND to be treated with care and respect. At a certain point, you just have to remove people from your life. BOOT! 

Maybe you're the one not good enough for me...

So Encore finally left his boyfriend. *cracks smile*

No but forreal. Kicked the nigga out and everything. I'm just so happy for him. He's even acting differently, more carefree. I'm excited to see him though. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
I swear we always argue about stupid shit. That's when I realized we are both really similar. We both do petty shit when we need to and then get mad and ignore each other then get about that too. The only difference being: I like to argue it out and be done with it. NEXT. He likes to "drop it" which really means act-like-I-dont-care-but-really-I-do and then harbor the feelings after.

Now that I think about it, he reminds me sooooo much of Justin. Everyone knows how much shit that nigga put me through. But the major difference is this: Justin drowned me in his own problems and Encore doesn't really let me in at all. But one thing is the same, I feel like both don't really listen to me when I talk to them. They also both have ulterior motives and like to do lowkey shit but whatever.

Let me make a long story short, Encore was facetiming this boy he started talking to who called me ugly upon noticing that I was there purely out of intimidation.

I went to pride with Encore just for him to have me around this ugly ass boogawolf boy who had the audacity to call me ugly despite trying to get with me just last year. Whatever. I should've painted the streets with his blood but I didn't. The boy got mad that he and I were walking around and not him, regardless if Encore is too blinded to see it. Encore had a major attitude with me which resulted in him telling me to drop it. The fuck? And I guess you can just say that I'm getting tired of his whole actions-dont-match-words routine. You talked about this boy was such a bum sleeping on a mattress in his living room but you're all over him at Pride. Fuck that. If a boy I was talking to called anyone of my close friends ugly before even saying hi, automatic dunzo. GOOTBYE, Maybe that's just me. He pissed me the fuck off. You tell me you miss me and when I'm here, you spend ALL FUCKING DAY on your phone.

I'm tired of wasting my time on people. Friends and otherwise. I spent most of my weekend with him and for what? The whole time four other entities were trying to hang out with me. I guess that says something about me.

Pride might as well be called "A Compilation of Awkward Moments of Eye Contact with Niggaz I Have Been Involved With".

KitKat is the best listener I know, that bitch will come at me about a nigga I mentioned 27 niggas ago lmfao

So do you guys remember Josh? Gave him a piece and now the nigga won't leave me alone hahaha. It's so crazy how tables turn. He's lowkey bummy and keeps begging me for ass and cigarettes.

So the other day I was hanging out with someone....I don't care to go into detail at this point but long story short, we were all drunk and a member of the party had been coming on to me all night. We drunkenly fucked and the next day it was insinuated that I forced myself onto him. Pauz. Go to my instagram, (@okaytrey). Look at my pics. Do it LUK LIKE I need to force myself onto anybody?? huh!? The kid don't want you nigga. It wasn't even good. Just a hole to stick my dick in.
I've mentioned this person by name plenty of times but for sake of comprehension I'm going to nickname him Winn Dixie. SO Winn Dixie told me to come to Pride only for me to see him holding hands with some other boy. Bruh, I'm soooo done.

I've recently been in contact with this boy named Efren, let's see how this goes.    

So I'm soooo glad Gay Marriage has been legalized and I think none of us really understand the gravity of it. I'm actually kind of bummed out because I really just can't imagine wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone much less someone who can put up with me for that long. I've never even been in a committed relationship with a boy. What the natural fuck. I'm going to be lonely all my life. I'm so done with the thot life (besides drunken Trey). Yall can have all that. You can have the one-night-stands. You can have these 107 unread messages on grindr. I just want an honest love.