Cheetah Hunt

"'Cause I'm born to dance in the moonlight

I feel like spending my nights alone

I try to give you a little more space to grow

White lies, I don't wanna be around anymore

I'm through giving, I've got to go"

Am I chasing time? Cause I'm wasting all mine on you....

Before I start, I just want to remind everyone that my blog posts are not written in one day and they are not written in order. You might read something that says "last night", but I wrote it two weeks ago. Only I know when certain things have taken place. 

What I want people to understand about me is that being shady and mean comes alot easier to me than being nice. Slick comments come to mind way quicker than compliments. And I just say that to emphasis the fact that I don't really believe I'm an inherently nice person. I'm kind of in a bad mood writing this right now and that might be influential in this bit but whatever.

Really miss Jose (not my ex) and I don't really know why. This will be awkward now that he and Killa K aren't together.

I finally did talk to Yuly although it was really only because I was drunk. I slipped up and told Diane something that I thought she already knew but she didn't. Somehow, she found out. Anyway, I guess it doesn't matter because the info concerns Yuly not being a good friend in the first place. I don't really think her and I will get back to where we were, at least not anytime soon just because I don't really have the desire to be around her. Straight up.

SJ called me a Tramp and I died laughing!!! Who says that anymore? But hey, I'm gonna bring that back. Fucking tramps!

Saw a picture of Litebrite and for a split second, I missed his smile...then I remembered how much I can't stand him or his goof booty ass boyfriend.

Karissa and Toni Ann have been a bomb ass friends to me lately. Thanks.


You know, recently I've been feeling like people only really respond to me when they feel as though our relationship is endangered or when I'm mad at them. Encore, Andy, Josh....just a few to name. And It just seems like a new pattern. I spend time practically begging people whom are my friends to spend time with me, even offering to pay for whatever we do and no one should have to feel like they're begging for or buying someone's friendship.

This leads me into what's been going on with Encore. Well a couple weeks back he randomly stopped talking to me like I was getting accustomed to. I thought he was mad at me. You guys know how much I HATE being ignored. Well eventually let me know that he was "going through alot". Honestly, I loathe when people say that to me. I try not to say something like that to others because I never know exactly what someone else is going through. We all have our struggles, yeah? At the same time, I try to remember that everyone is different and everyone won't think and act the way that I do. When my dad had passed, everyone from the four corners of the Earth was contacting me. Did I want to talk to anyone at all? Heeeeell nah. But I did and tried my best not to ignore anyone. I really didn't want to punish anyone for something that had nothing to do with them and that's kind of how I felt he was doing to me. All I had ever done was be a rock and a shoulder for him while he was at odds with his boyfriend. Why ignore someone that's TAKING OFF WORK to hang out with you? Just to make sure you're okay. And I do that for most of my friends, whether they know it or not.

Then there was a spot of drama. I can't remember if I mentioned this, but his boyfriend and I used to talk like that back in the day. It didn't really go anywhere, I think I actually was involved with Cole at the time but that's a story for another day. We were actually supposed to meet up but I was busy, I believe something came up. Antyway, I say that to emphasize the fact that I have known the boyfriend longer than I have known Encore. Well, the boyfriend actually messaged me on IG then deleted the picture. Encore saw him before I did and told him before, so I guess it seemed like I was the one up to no good? Whatever. Two weeks later, I notice that the boyfriend blocked me on Instagram. OHKAY. I kind of took that as a Slap to the face because even when Encore tells me the crazy stuff he does, I find myself sometimes coming to his defense. I'm the one begging your boyfriend to let your ass back in the house after you dragged him with the car, so I'm not really who you should be making an enemy out of. And ya know, I wanted to confront him about it but of course, Encore didn't want me to. Out of respect for him, I didn't. Not saying I won't. just that I didn't, yet. I'm not Firecracker or Litebrite, and he knows that. I wish he would ever call me on some BS, I'll be over at Carlisle Lakes knocking on that door in a heartbeat.

Other than whatever problem he seems to have with me, I'm cool with him. Wish he could learn to act right so that we all could be friends and just hang out. It almost feels like as of lately, he's been keeping Encore from hanging out with me and know that's really the issue. In a way I feel like our friendship was really only convenient when he was having issues with his boyfriend. I had to tell myself to stop asking him to hang out because he went from constantly obliging me to doing the exact opposite. We became so close SO fast and that's really the reason why I care so much now. Had it been almost anyone else, his number wouldn't even be in my phone anymore. Not saying I didn't think about deleting it. Even three weeks ago, he left me hanging most of the day saying he was going to hang out with me and never came because his boyfriend "wouldn't let him" (I'll address that further along). The most eye-roll inducing moment was when he told me he would miss me over the summer, and I'm just like bish whet cuz I stayed two weeks longer partly so that we could hang out and you ain't even been trying. I guess the worse part is that because I haven't seen him, I haven't really gotten the chance to address this to him like I want, any attempt over text would just be blown off.
This whole thing with Encore reminds me of what happened with Brittani. Her head was so far up her girlfriend's ass that you couldn't have a conversation with her without her girlfriend coming up. We all got really tired of it and stop asking to even hang with her. And she didn't realize the propensity of what she had done until it was too late. By that time, we were all done with the bullshit. To this day, I don't even seek to make plans with her like that.

I hate that I feel this way now because he is such a genuine person and he probably doesn't even realize how I really feel. There is a great difference between a fuck nigga and man who makes mistakes and that's something we all should know. Sometimes I feel like Encore doesn't really know attractive he is. That was random lol. I guess I just wanted to spend more time with him. Yall know Im not used to having gay friends and when I look at him, I don't even see a gay friend, I see a friend. A great friend. One that could benefit from the passage of time. I'm just a little more hurt than anything else.

Well he texted me today and it really made me smile. I'm not quite sure why. 

When I write certain tidbits about certain people, I go back to previous blogs to remind myself what I have already said about them. I went back and realized that I never once said anything about this boy, whom I shall call Grande. I can't believe I never mentioned him because he was one of the first few guys that I made a connection with when I moved to Tampa. We even spent Halloween of 2013 together and he gave me some bomb ass head. I don't feel like going thru all the details but just know we have history. I have never really sought to make it official because....well, he's a hoe. A plain old hoe. He actually came over last night and before I fucked his brains out, he was all over Grindr like a damn hoe detective. His ass is a damn Sherlock Hoe. Anyway, as I'm preparing myself to get in his guts, he says "Do you know someone named Frank?"
This was my face.

Because that's the name of Encore's boyfriend.
Anyway, he actually was referring to a different Frank, a redhead who lived on campus and wanted to suck my dick real bad. So he proceeds to tell me that he and Frank broke into my apartment and walked into what the thought was my room, only to be surprised by my half-naked roommate. I was so creeped out. How did Frank even know what room was mine? That shit is high key creepy as fuck.

Anyway, so we get into it, and I'm going HAM on Grande. He doesn't like kissing or nipple play (two things I love the most) but he rode me like I was a mechanical bull. The whole time moaning in my ear, telling me to slow down cuz it was bigger than what he was used to. Maaaaaaan I may not have ever been that turned on in my life! Then he came first and was just like "okay I'm done"....

I had to finish myself and pretty much drowned in my own children.

So Joshua actually hit me up (why didn't I give him a nickname?) after weeks of being a fuck ass. Bruh, he had the nerve to say the only reason he hit me up was because it was horny.

He asked me for ass pics and of course I instructed him to ask his hoe Askia for some. Damn, I just spilled some bitter tea. N to the wayz, he got mad and once I told him to stop acting like a fuck nigga, and I'll stop treating him like one, he swore that he would do better. And he hasn't. I know he jealous from seeing Rollercoaster all over my snap (I'll get to him later). But, I honestly don't care. Like at all.

As for UCF, same situation. I won't even entertain anyone that can't fucking take 3 seconds to respond to my text but can be all over snapchat. Get the fuck out of here. You tell me that you don't wanna be treated like a sexual conquest but you never want to go out when you're here and even when I offer to come to you, you respond with some bullshit. I'm kind of over him. We can chill when he comes to town but that's where it stays.

You gotta understand the difference between someone who speaks to you in their free time and someone who frees their time to speak to you.

And of course, Carlos. All day saturday he was texting me talmbout he miss me then when I see him in the club, he act brand new. Then after the club he called me (I didn't answer). We were texting and I was just really done with his ass. He got mad and said I wasn't even that cute. That's cool. I guess your two friends in my inbox love my ugly ass and also your friend that was flirting with me in the club while you sat next to to him.

Meanwhile I'm worried about Pablo, Roberto, and the other Roberto. But nothing needs to be said about them yet.

So this boy named...Ha, you actually thought I was going to say his name. You know the procedure. So let's call him....Rollercoaster. Perfect. So he invited me to join him at Busch Gardens as a part of his project for his class. He lives in Orlando BTW. When saw pics of him, I thought he was really cute and interesting so I didn't mind obliging him. Originally it was supposed to 8 other people but it ended up just being 3 others, Rollercoaster and his two friends from Orlando. The idea was for the friends to have dates because they didn't care for each other and I was only there for my dude, so in a way, everyone was kinda vying for his attention. But let me tell you, ole boy was cute as hell. He has that kind of goofy nature that I like so much coupled with his genuine personality. You know I usually like my bottoms a little shorter and thicker but sexy is sexy.  He kind of reminds me of Andy, less intellect though. Not saying Rollercoaster is dumb, but I have never encountered a boy that mentally stimulates me like Andy does. I know there are all sorts of interesting things about Rollercoaster, and I'm just waiting to know them all. He really is just adorable. Nothing about him is inherently sexual and I like that. I've always felt like sex comes second to the emotional aspect. I really could sit here and write pages about all the things I like about him and how I feel, but no need. We kind of have moved extremely fast,  I mean, we were holding hands in public within an hour of us physically meeting. I tend to reciprocate whatever a suitor gives to me. He's a hottie and not a thottie so I don't mind people knowing that this is MY nigga. But see there's the problem. He's not really mine, and I say that to emphasize the fact that I am not his. It is almost a phenomenon for me to post anything concerning myself and another boy on social media and honestly I only really did it because he wanted me to. The only thing stopping me from declaring him my first boyfriend is the fact that he lives so far away. I really just can't do a long distance thing with anyone. So if he ever meets someone that lives close to him and decides to build something with them, then that's cool with me. Even if he had a one night stand, that's whatever. I'll be one jealous mofo though, straight up. We're not dating so what can I really say. It just sucks. It's been a while since I've found someone worth my mind, dick, and heart.

But let me tell you more about the day. His two friends came along and they didn't like each other. I almost felt dumb after Rollercoaster told me because it was painfully obvious to me after he did. Where I would say Rollercoaster doesn't know how attractive he is, I'd say his one friend thinks he is way more attractive than he is. He also kept portraying himself as an alcoholic all day long which really isn't attractive in the least.There were a few times I felt like he was cockblocking but its whatever. He may have been a bit jealous because at one point he was desperately trying to get someone to come be with him at the park. I might just be biased because really flamboyant black gay boys really annoy me. Does that make me racist? lol

Now, his other friend was pretty chill. He pretty much stayed on the phone with random people all day because he felt like no one was talking to him. He ended up just leaving early to wait at the front of the park which I felt was kind of dramatic but to each his own. I actually liked him better than the other friend.

He mentioned something on his snapstory about some boy being jealous of our snaps so of course I had to question him. I guess he had a thing with some crusty boy and this crusty boy had the absolute nerve to say I was ugly. Nigga you look like you got a pot of honey to be eating out of, Bitch I ain't Christopher Robin, Fuck outta here. #IzPigsFlyin?

Cuz it's you I would change for....