"People will love you and support you when it's beneficial
I'mma forgive, I won't forget, but I'mma dead the issue"
Have you ever found yourself attracted to someone in your immediate vicinity, not because they're actually attractive, but because everyone else was just even uglier? Me at work.
I legit feel like I always get what I want. Always. You don't have to give it to me, I'll take it (in a non-rape type of manner).
Getting somewhat distant from some of the team....Brittani, Kristy, Jonathan...sometimes they stop existing to me and it is only social media that reminds me of their existence. Heard something about the latter two that really...put me off. I won't really much effort into trying to maintain friendships if no one puts the effort. I really don't care.
Work has been pleasant lately. I feel well liked by mostly everyone and that's such a difference from when I first started working there. I dreaded going there. Now I don't mind work I guess. As long as there is a good combination of people present.
I became really interested in this one boy, only to find out that he's 14...
We shall just have to play things by ear. He's mature for his age. And my parents are 6 years apart....Idk.
"But when the wind blows, I'm so Marilyn"
{ Before I get to the juicy stuff, let me catch you up. Justin and I reconnected at the first Plur and ever since have been hanging out multiple times a week. I've also been getting closer to Jana and Celine. Someone else is a part of our rave crew but I won't mention him because I'm aggravated with him lately. You claim you're not gay but you let Justin feel on you at the beach and you're randomly messaging him...bish whet? Okay, you're caught up. }
Welp, Justin and I are once again...not talking. It started off with him wanting to kik me about "us" at his house....while he was legitimately 3 feet away from me. He told me that I'm his "world" then proceeded to ask me why I ask me why I hide my feelings for him.
Nigga we been through this shit a year ago, like forreal, check my blog a year ago. Last July I wrote, " we were on the phone. Then we started talking about things I had mentioned on the blog about him (going to dinner with him, feelings attached, blase blase). He told me that at one point of time, before the blowup, he felt something for me. I was utterly shocked. I usually always get when someone has feelings for me, but not this time. And I think that knowledge of whatever he felt for me, would definitely have altered the way in which our friendship progressed."
So, just like before, it all headed south. He told me he didn't think we should be together, and I don't either. I mean its Justin. And if you know him, you know what I mean. I know him all too well to be able to really trust him. And he has alot of growing up before he's ready to be with someone as sophisticated as myself. Yet, he neither confirmed nor denied having feelings for me. Let me ask you this: Why even bothering trying to talk to me about how I feel about you if you truly don't have feelings for me? Why do you get jealous when you see me talking to or about another guy?
Continuing into the story, I was a a bit peeved that Justin let Jana and I walk from his house (around the mcdonalds in Lehigh) to the Walmart to get to our cars, because "he wasn't in the right mind to drive". (We had to park our cars at Walmart because his neighbor was trippin).
The next day, a new situation arises. Enter JayJay. When I first met him at the rave, in my mind he was a little boy obsessed with Justin. As we started communicating, he thought he wasn't that bad and hey, I started to become interested. But he was too enthralled in Justin's whim. So we talked on the phone and he asked me what exactly Justin said about him. Now I felt bad because neither Celine nor Justin had truly told this boy the truth, it definitely was not my place, however, I don't lie. So I told him: He doesn't want you, like at all. He finds you annoying. So JayJay proceeds to tell me things that I didn't know, like that Justin had hit him first and asked him to come to the rave and then begged him to stay the night. They ended up going to the gym and Justin was all over him. That surprised the shit outta me! Now, what I didn't like was that JayJay accused me of being a snake and bashing Justin. Bish whet??
This nigga called you annoying and rolled his eyes when you tried to dance with him at the rave. That's not bashing, that's FACT. And now you look stupid for not only pursuing a nigga that don't a give a shit about you, but also defending him. Its not even about you. It's between Justin and I. You just happened to get caught up in the storm. You're a cow in a tornado, slightly insignificant. Lost whatever interest I had in that nigga. To me, you end as you began, a little boy obsessed with Justin.
So I confronted Justin about this and also why he lied to me about talking to his ex again. (I know this and other things because I went through his phone. Yeah it's an invasion of privacy but I didn't care at the time. My mind was fueled by doubt. He went to sleep and got all up in through that shit. That's how I know he's been lying. I also found peace in knowing that I don't have to do certain things to garner male attention but whatever. I also found that he manipulates his friends into going to certain places so he can meet guys). He didn't want to argue and suggested we end our friendship. That's cool. You'll be special to me always.
What have you done for me that I couldn't do for myself? That's the real question. If we make up, it won't change my opinion of him. He needs to realize that he needs to make some serious life changes. And to sum it up, Justin creates storms then get's upset when it rains. I hold the umbrella over his head, and now I realize I'm the one getting wet.
(Since I've written that, Justin and I have somewhat settled our issues. I've lost whatever trust I once had in him and to be honest, I've found it hard to be around him lately. I was very upset at some of the things he told a total stranger. It was very pathetic of him. Apparently he had some sort of conversation with Jana and she made him realize a few things. Whatever. It will take time for this wound to completely. I know I was wrong for going through his phone. I should probably apologize for that.)
Flamboyant - (of a person or their behavior) tending to attract attention because of their exuberance, confidence, and stylishness.
Thanks Armando.
Now to transition, Someone I've mentioned in a previous blog and I are pretty much completely over. I'll call him The Banker. A week ago, we talked on the phone and....wait. Let me back up. (I really need to post more often so you're updated). We had gotten alot closer. I went to visit him the hospital a couple times because he had a really bad poison ivy reaction on his arm. We talked all day everyday. I really thought he was about to be first real boyfriend. But about a week ago, we talked and he told me he didn't think he was ready to be involved. He told me some other things that truly made me doubt everything. A few tears fell from my eyes, honestly. Sigh.
So one of my coworkers is (dating?) this guy I used to talk to. Awkward. I never planned on telling him. But he ended up asking me. I don't know what the guy told him, but I tried to downplay it as much as possible.
And to the bitch that stole my phone charger..
